I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
