I hate your face
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
