So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
