Yo dont text me then not text me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize