What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
