just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
