Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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