i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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