I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
