Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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