Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
