So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Vodka?
Forever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
