Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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