Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
