Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the condom got lost in my hair
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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