apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
