the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
