Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
