there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
