just come out here and I will go home with you...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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