Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
