either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
