just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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