Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
