Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
