my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
