I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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