Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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