I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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