Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
