mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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