I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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