listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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