"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
