He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
