don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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