I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
