Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you will always have a special place in my vag
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
