Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
