woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
time to smoke my breakfast
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
