I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
