p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
