he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
