i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
