The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
