R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
