i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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