At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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