Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
