If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
