I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
it's great music for shaving your balls
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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