I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
