I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
