Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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