i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
