We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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