youre lurking in front of me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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