i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
