Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
