I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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