Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
