i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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