sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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