i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
