3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
