who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm too high and old for this...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
