chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
