when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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