I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina