i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
