I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
