Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
