Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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