that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize