he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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