I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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