so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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