I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
