Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
